The Enterprising Cat
by Mockingbird Quester
Summary: A stray cat is on The Enterprise, using the vents to get around undetected. It is fed and petted by the crew, but definitely against regulations. What happens when Spock finds it?


_Written in response to the following prompt: Writ from the view point (1st or 3rd, doesn't matter) of a stray cat on the enterprise, using the vents to get around undetected. The cat eventually gets caught by a crew member (up to anon who), who then takes pity and feeds the cat and keeps it a secret from some health inspector guy ('cause 'ya know cat hair in the vent system can't be healthy). The cat eventually escapes and starts the process over again with another crew member, working its way to every one's hearts and eventually being defended by the whole crew from the health inspector guy. Cat should be smart and clever, but not sentient! Bonus if some one tries to bathe the if they fail bonus if it's Spock_.

The skinny tortoiseshell cat had spent a number of years scrounging and begging leftovers at the space dock of Orion III. When a warm shuttle was left open during loading, she entered, and when the shuttle entered a large ship, she managed to make her way into an air vent without incident. She had learned the value of curiosity to improve her dietary intake long ago, and took the strange environment in stride.

There were no rodents on The Enterprise, and all trash was incinerated. Luckily, it remained in holding containers for a day or so beforehand and she could access them from the vents. There was no shortage of food. For a stray cat, life was good.

Still, when one of the air vents into sleeping quarters was cracked open, she took advantage of the fact to sleep on a comfortable bed. When the human that room belonged to, after a shocked exclamation that frightened her under the bed, deigned to offer her a plate of fragrant fish, she was content to stay there a few weeks.

He gave her a box of packing materials for necessary things, a bowl of water and dainty meals of raw and cooked fish. She in return allowed some petting, as long as she could not see his hand in front of her face (that merited a bite). She learned he was speaking to her when he said "Neko" and she sometimes even honored him with a measure of interest.

He also had a smaller human friend, with hair nearly the color of her orange strands and a higher pitched voice, who would come into the room attempting to pet her and babbling sounds like "довольно кота" at her. She generally ran and hid under the bed until he had left, although sometimes the bed moving above her too much upset her. One day when the two men were occupied, she reentered the air vent to find a more suitable home.

The next open air vent led to the engine room, where she was apparently not so welcome. A noisy human yelled "We dinna need cat hair in the warp drive!" and chased her into a corner under a humming machine. He then spent an hour coaxing her out with bits of sandwich meats. She partook of the offering, and continued returning there daily, where he called her a "wee bairn" and allowed her to sit in his lap, as long as no other human was nearby. When they were though, he yelled and chased her out of the room. It was most vexing. After a few days of this she waited until he was occupied and snuck back into the air vent. Although warm, the engine rooms had been too noisy and threatening for her comfort.

The next area she explored was much less interesting and she stayed only a day. Still the nurses who saw her fed her bowls of milk and cooed over her. However, they had an unfortunate habit of throwing white sheets of her whenever the man with the loud voice walked by, which she didn't like. Also, everything smelled chemical and clean and strange. One area especially was too strong, and she squatted down and let loose a stream of her urine to mark it with her own scent. Suddenly there was a roar that made her hiss and run away, as a large human chased her around the medical area yelling,, "Goddamned cat! I'm gonna skin yer hide and use it for a dish rag! Where tha' hell did you come from??"

This time there was no handy air vent for escape so she ran out to the corridor, searching for a shadow to hide in. When she found a small space down a hallway, she crouched there, panting and terrified.

Still she was a dockyard cat and nothing scared her for long. After a quick bath to calm her nerves, she noticed a door that was open, awaiting another's arrival.

Seizing her opportunity she crept into the room and made herself comfortable under a desk.

The cat found a comfortable spot and settled in. The room smelled soothing and was fairly quiet, broken only by the human female humming under her breath. She was laying out a meal that unfortunately did not smell of chicken or fish, which made the cat unwilling to risk his spot on the carpet with begging and rubbing against ankles. However, she did move further back under the desk when another man entered.

When the two people noticed her presence an hour later, the cat had no means of escape due to the door being closed and the air vent blocked. She was at their mercy.

The tall, dark man (man? He smelled… different.) suddenly looked at the cat and said "Nyota, I do not wish to remind you of Starfleet regulations, but a cat is definitely not allowable on board, even in private quarters."

"Spock, what are you talking about? I don't have a cat…" her voice trailed off and she spotted the cat in question.

The cat decided the desk was not a sufficiently secure hiding place and darted under the bed instead, as the people jumped up in surprise.

The woman with the pleasant voice now was laying across the floor, coaxing "C'mon pretty kitty. Don't be scared."

The cat regarded her distrustfully and sneezed from the dust bunnies. She planned to stay there until an opportunity to leave the room presented itself.

She did not expect the tall man to be so strong or so fast however. He suddenly lifted the bed and grabbed her from under it by the nape of her neck.

She made him aware of her displeasure by scratching and biting at him, while the woman cried out, "Spock, you're scaring her!"

The man ignored the irate feline and simply said, "the ship's controller must be informed of it's presence."

"But the cat might belong to someone! Besides, we're not scheduled to a hospitable planet again for weeks! He'll have her put to sleep or throw her out a airlock. Please don't report her!"

The pointy ear man looked down at the cat in his hands, who had stopped fighting and was simply giving his resentful glares. "It would be disrespectful to a living thing to follow procedure regarding her presence, but the feline cannot be allowed to traverse the ship or it could cause damage to the systems."

"She can stay here." the woman offered.

"That is not logical. If alerted to her presence the ship controller will have no qualms in searching your quarters and our subterfuge will be ineffective. I will place the animal in my quarters."

The cat let out an indignant yell when she suddenly found herself pressed between them as the woman slung her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Next, the evil people shoved her into a duffel bag and she was jostled back and forth as the tall man walked. She was not a happy cat, and the moment the bag was opened in the new quarters she jumped out and ran to hide under the bed, which didn't even have dust bunnies to keep her company.

The tall man sat looking at a glowing screen and touching it for long minutes, then put out a bowl of water and another of food. She made her way over to them, still regarding him warily. She drank the water, then turned her nose up at the bowl of hard pellet shaped food. It did not smell like anything edible.

The tall man spoke at her, "This food is sufficient for your nutritional needs." he remarked, walking out of the room. He returned with a box of shredded material, then left again.

The cat slunk back under the bed. Finally, hours later she decided meaty smelling rocks were better than nothing and forced herself to eat them. She had managed worse. When the tall man reentered the room, she immediately tried to run out and found her path blocked as a large foot pushed her back into the room until the door closed.

She was not a happy kitty and shook her hind legs at him dramatically.

This set the tone for the next few days, although she slowly became used to the tall, quiet man and began sleeping next to him on top of his bed. She determined his shared body warmth made up for the poor cuisine and even let him rub under her chin and behind her ears.

After only three days something strange happened though. The tall man and lady with the pleasant voice entered the room talking in upset tones.

"Spock, the Captain's quarters are through your shared bathroom and he's allergic to cats! He's reacting to the cat dander on your clothing on the bridge. Did you see how red his eyes were? And he couldn't stop sneezing!"

"Then we must remove the source of his symptoms in some way. Research suggests bathing in a special solution can help, as can limiting contact with clothing."

The cat was not happy at the closet door that was now kept shut but she was positively miserable when she was carried to the bathroom and placed in a basin of water. She attempted to climb the tall man's arms as he repeatedly dunked her in and poured smelly stuff on her. She was wet, chilled despite the warmth and let her misery out in a series of wails.

Finally she managed to squirm away while the tall man chased her with a towel. He managed to catch her and place the cat back in the water where she began wailing as though she were being killed. The betrayl! And after she had graced him with her presence and allowed him the honor of touching her ears!

"Spock! What the hell's going on in here? Is all the screaming some weird Vulcan sex thing?"

The door opposite his in the bathroom suddenly slid open. His hands loosened in surprise and she took the opportunity to escape.

"What the hell is a cat doing in MY quarters??!!"

"Technically Captain, it was in my quarters. Unfortunately, it did not appreciate the bath I was attempting to give it."

"Spock, you know I'm allergic to cats!!"

"Which is why I was attempting to bathe the feline with an anti-allergen solution."

"Where the hell did it go??"

"Judging by it's past affinity to hiding under beds, that would be the first place to check."

The car was under the bed, shivering with cold and stress. When the tall man picked her up she struggled, but he wrapped her in a towel and reentered his warmer quarters. He also took a brush and groomed her until dry.

The shorter man had followed them back to the room and made noises with the tall man. After days of near silence with the tall man, she found the sound somewhat annoying and made her displeasure known by softly growling at him.

"Spock, did you teach her to do that?"

"I assure you Captain, one does not teach a cat to do anything. They are quite independent."

"Aren't you a lovely lady?" the short man asked, reaching to pet just so behind her ear. The cat decided she would allow it since he was showing adequate adoration.

"Well, I'm not sneezing so I guess the solution worked. But you can't keep her forever Spock."

"I am aware of regulations Captain. None the less, I cannot allow a living being to be forced off the ship or harmed."

"I'm sure I can manage to forget I ever saw her here, for now…" The short man did a twitchy movement with only one eye, and both the cat and tall man looked at him with the same puzzled expression. The short man left the room muttering about "Nothing with pointy ears understands me."

Still there was a problem the following week when the tall man and the short man disappeared for a number of days. No one could enter their quarters, and the cat quickly ran out of food. When she had been nearly a day without any food, the cat made her displeasure known vocally and loudly.

Jack, the ship's environmental controlled heard the noise and had the security entry overridden, in light of the fact that the captain and first officer were out of contact on planet in sensitive negotiations. He spent the next hour chasing the cat from one end of the room to the other. When he finally got ahold of her, she scratched and bit like a hellion, and he had just placed her in a carrier box when he was suddenly surrounded by crewmembers.

"You canna' take the wee bairn!

"The kot is not hurt anything!"

"Dr. McCoy said the cat poses no risk to the crew's health!"

"I WILL tell Spock that you took her without consulting him first!"

"Please don't hurt the cat!"

"Dammit, one puny puss isn't gonna hurt anything, and ya know the Captain had something to do with this!"

In the end, the cat found herself removed from the carrier and placed back in the room, this time with food again.

When the first officer and captain returned two days later, she was officially The Enterprise's "Rodent Control Officer" and had a new name, "Lady Luck". She was given free run of the ship, staying with whoever caught her fancy that night and she felt like the luckiest cat in the universe.


End file.
